In the beginning we are all the same

posted fb 30/01/14

#358 Searching for an end

I am searching for an end

to make my beginning make sense

somewhere along the way

I have lost my way

it was bright with so much ahead

now I am searching for an end

remember this

posted fb 30/01/14

#358 If I was

If I was rich

would you treat me the same

keep me back

suppress me

then give me the blame

if I was white

would you not see my pain

Shylock was the one who stated

yes we bleed the same

if I was young

would you question what I say

always doubt me

as if to me life was a game

if I was old

would you trust me

assume I had seize to exist

as you no longer see me

forever remember this

self reliant

posted fb 30/01/14

#360 I have remained tall

you disrupt my life

throw me off track

I want to move on

I know there is no going back

so much has been said

so much has been done

so hard to forgive

cannot trust anyone

when I needed support

no one was there

I had to do it on my own

so now everything is clear

this inner strength

is all that I have

it is the thing that has stayed with me

through thick and thin

when I have felt desperate

isolated

feeling all alone

I have kept on going

too far away from home

nothing familiar

nothing I can recall

I have been there for myself

I have remained tall

Stop calling me 'Girl!'

I am digging deep, this is a poem I wrote over 10 years ago.  I had lost my phone in a mini cab, I needed to report it at the Police Station.  I remember waiting in line it, was Brixton Police station, so it was busy as per usual.  The officer behind the desk took down my details, then whilst I was waiting heard her refer to me 'As that girl' Now I was on my way from work, I know I look young but I ain't No Girl.   Some people are like you should be flattered, why coz I got a good pool of genes, and I don't look my age.  No I am a Woman.   Thank you very much.  Now the term for a Black Woman is far more weighted, during Slavery they always refereed to the Men and Women as 'Boys' and 'Girls',  Yes we were owned, I guess this was a further way to add to the degradation, as if things were not bad enough.

posted fb 21/01/14

#349 You call me girl

Do I look like a girl to you?

look at the expanse of my hips

and the fullness of my lips

says I am an experienced woman

if you get my gist

yet you call me girl

I raise my children better than you

I budget more as I get paid less than you

yet you call me girl

I have to juggle duck and dive

whenever I deal with you

I have to bob and weave

just not to displease you

yet you call me girl

when you slay me with that tongue like knife

you undermine my contribution to this life

when you call me girl

it is as if you said dog

you make my blood run cold

as you fail to recognise my wounded soul

when you call me girl

I want to curl up and die

you have no regards

you do it all the time

you call me girl

like I have not lived

I’ve lived 10 more lives than you

as I struggle to survive

you call me girl

like I have not gived

I have given up my lives

than history records in those lines

you call me girl

as I am force to walk

the streets at night

you reel me in

you hold me back

I am constantly under the ‘Girl attack’

Currently unemployed

posted  fb 21/01/14

#351 Unemployed

Unemployed

I am unemployed

it means

I have no use

that can be deployed

I am waiting

until I can be incorporated

meanwhile

I sit here

taking the abuse

they look at me

as if I am to blame

like this is my plan

to sit on my laurels

while collecting a few grand

I want to work

honest I do

but the figures don't add up

work 5 days

rest for two

doing jobs

that no one wants to do

I will just wait here

till I can be employed

something rewarding and fulfilling

that will fill me  full of joy

Has this ever happened to you?

posted fb 19/01/14

#345 In the morning

I woke in the morning

well I think I was awake

I opened my eyes

I didn’t recognise this face

what had happened

how did I get here

there was a party some laughter

too many bottles of beer

did I really get it on with a stranger

throwing away all those years

now know one has to know

that way no one gets hurt

I will slip from under these covers

if only I could find my shirt

The New cross Fire. 32 years on

I remember the fire as if it was yesterday.  Racial tension in the area? I have cause to spent a lot of time in that area.  I have to say no.  Everyone is struggling on the same level, there is racial harmony amongst the poor.  I don't know what it was like all those years ago, but whenever I visit I am marvelled at the races linking arms.  Women walking side by side black and white.  There is the mutual respect that I haven't seen anywhere else.  In Brixton there is the unspoken segregation, I speak of Brixton say 20 years ago. ( I got know idea what goes on there now) In Brixton when you see the racist mixing it is often some wanna be Black guy.  He has a great record collection, his has mastered the swagger and he can talk patois like any 'just come from yard Jamaican' New  Cross and Deptford no they have found peace.

posted fb 19/01/14

#346 I remember

I remember it, like it was yesterday

I remember the cries

‘No justice no peace!’

we marched for those lost lives

now so many years on

this empty spot in my heart

has not been filled

with the answers

as to why

was it the music too loud?

or was it a feud?

there is someone out there

who knows the sickening truth

does it haunt them?

both day and night

or have they drugged themselves up

to keep the memories out

do they wake from their sleep

with a  deafening shout

have I walked past them in the street?

maybe they are begging as we speak

until they confess

this will be their eternal grief